in which i am the luckiest girl (woman?)
when everything feels so overwhelming and foreign, so different from the independent loneliness i’ve known for so long,
sometimes i freak out
and then i see him
and he’s rolling over in his sleep to hold my hand
and he’s picking the olives out of my greek salad before i can do it myself
and he’s simultaneously playing jazz and video games
and he’s watching the local news with me over coffee
and he’s loving me so wholeheartedly, with everything he has, without any reservation, without any doubt
this is what i have been waiting for, i know
for the first time, i forget to be afraid
i get caught off guard by how much i love him,
how easy all of this is coming to us
his clothes are in the closet,
his beer is in the fridge,
his body is in my bed
and i’m so, so happy in love.
"At what point do you take girls out of school altogether because boys can’t handle it?"
"I am not a graceful person. I am not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2am, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don’t belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn’t happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don’t see the lightning, but you hear the echoes."
"When you hold me there are words for that.
I do not remember the words for that but I remember that there are words.
There are not words for when you do not hold me.
I remember that there are no words in the world so I say them."
"If someone were to die at the age of 63 after a lifelong battle with MS or Sickle Cell, we’d all say they were a “fighter” or an “inspiration.” But when someone dies after a lifelong battle with severe mental illness and drug addiction, we say it was a tragedy and tell everyone “don’t be like him, please seek help.” That’s bullshit. Robin Williams sought help his entire life. He saw a psychiatrist. He quit drinking. He went to rehab. He did this for decades. That’s HOW he made it to 63. For some people, 63 is a fucking miracle. I know several people who didn’t make it past 23 and I’d do anything to have 40 more years with them."
When you live in the dark for so long, you begin to love it. And it loves you back, and isn’t that the point? You think, the face turns to the shadows, and just as well. It accepts, it heals, it allows.
But it also devours."
Raymond Carver, Late Fragment (via leviathanrose)
the US is unreal like girls cant wear shorts to school, you can literally lose your job for being gay, and unarmed black children are brutally murdered on the regular but old white ppl r still like “what a beautiful country. i can freely carry a gun for no reason and some of our mountains look like presidents. god bless”