"Suddenly you’re ripped into being alive. And life is pain, and life is suffering, and life is horror, but my god you’re alive and its spectacular."
Joseph Campbell (via 5000letters)
"And now I come to him, whole and ready to be known differently. Life is long, people change, I would never be foolish enough to think otherwise. But no matter what, nothing can ever be as it was. Everything has changed in a way that sounds trite and borderline offensive when recounted over coffee. I can never be who I was. I can simply watch her with sympathy and understanding, and some measure of awe. There she goes, headed for the subway or the airport. She did her best with eyeliner. She learned a new word she wants to try out on you. She is ambling along. She is looking for it."
Lena Dunham (via pretendingtoadult)
"The human heart beats approximately 4,000 times per hour and each pulse, each throb, each palpitation is a trophy engraved with the words “you are still alive.” You are still alive. Act like it."
Rudy Francisco (via dieworten)
"This is my promise:
I will be there
if you are there."
It’s been 365 days. I woke up in the middle of the last night sick to my stomach and crying, but today the sun is bright and the breeze is cool and I am loved so well. I made it through the past year with scars to show, but joy nonetheless. I am grateful. I am strong. I am okay.
today is cool, for florida, breezy with highs skimming 80
when things get bad, when i get lost in my head, i want to go running
if i can’t physically escape the things that drown me, i want to put feet to pavement, pretend to outrun them in reality
i’ve been feeling the itch lately
it always gets bad this time of year
been having dreams of sprinting for inhuman miles
lungs and legs burning, stretching for another inch, just sprinting without looking
one year ago tomorrow, my skin was split, my ribs cracked,
something irreplacable stolen from me
i watched it swirl around in the toilet afterwards
but tonight is a friday night
and that night was a friday night
and i am stupidly sentimental,
pulling up photos i took from that day
looking at my cloudy eyes behind a beer bottle
a picture of his face
this is different than an asthma attack
when i feel like my lungs are small and everything is pinching and crushing and squeezing all the air out of me
this is an emptiness in my gut
that spreads up through my chest and into my throat and makes me pull on sneakers
put headphones in
there are tears on my face in the wind
the sun on my left shoulder
my ponytail swinging behind me
and i know i look insane
but every pound of my feet
every breath pulling in and out of my lungs
is a reminder that i’m still here
despite his best efforts, he did not destroy me
i am broken, this is sure
i told John the other day that i’m sorry he loves a broken person
and he said that he doesn’t love a broken person
it just so happens that his favorite person
is missing some pieces
i repeat this to myself
i pound every tear into the concrete and look only ahead
listen to songs about female empowerment and being a fighter/survivor/etc
i feel strong
power in my legs and my arms and my hot, red face
i stop crying
and then when my feet slow
my thighs pulse
i bend at the waist
put my face in my shaking hands
and sob the rest of the way home
in the bath with a vodka in my hand
i tell myself that strength does not always look like dry eyes
like a 6 minute mile
but like one year later
i am still here
and more than i ever dreamed
and i believe i am strong
face red and sweating and eyes sore
drunkenly swaying in the breeze through the open door of my porch
i am stronger than i ever thought possible
"I need more kindness than I deserve."
"You have to be kind of intentional about friendships as you get older, because people drift apart so easily with their own lives or families or just physical distance. The friendships you want to maintain, you really have to protect—not just by commenting on their Twitter feed but by actually, like, inviting them over."
Carrie Brownstein (x)
Beck Cooper - “The Gutting”
"Sometimes, it is easier to believe you deserve it, to believe you owe it to him, to wake up the next morning and serve him the pulp of you he scraped from your bones on a breakfast tray."
Performing during the Last Chance Slam at the 2014 Individual World Poetry Slam. Subscribe to Button on YouTube!